I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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