Don't EVER smell your tampon
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
