Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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