he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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