its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
