Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
