According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize