is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
