We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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