By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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