I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
