a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
