The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
