oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think my vagina is haunted
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
