Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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