I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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