You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
