I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
