Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
