The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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