11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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