We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
