he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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