If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
