Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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