i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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