just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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