All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
