There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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