I just made out with a guy for $7.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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