My sheets look like a crime scene.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
