You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
