I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
