gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
