From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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