My hair reeks of homosexuality.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He felt like a one man threesome
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
