Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she told me i tasted like america
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
