I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
