I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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