He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
how drunk are you?
Several
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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