Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize