i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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