Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
