Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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