I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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