i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
