And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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