I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
