I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
