I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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