Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
