wanna go halves on a baby?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
