After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
