I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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