After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I got inside last night via doggy door
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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