I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
