I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Holy shit dude........stairs
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
