FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
