they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
