Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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