we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
