Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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