Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
