We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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