True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
organizing the empties. That sober.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
