so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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