If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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