god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
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