i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
