This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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