Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
