meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
