I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
