you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize