when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
