Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
