You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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