Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
