He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
