Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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