and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
we made out on top of his cat.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize
