I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Oh god it's open bar.
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