According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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