Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just pee around me
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
