I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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