my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
