After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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