My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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